The one who stops me from being me: the Inhibited Me

FacingFearOfFailure

He is like me, he thinks like me, he talks like me, he speak the same language I do. He and I even like the same food. We have same ambitions and goals. Yet he is an obstacle in everything I do, he is my biggest critic but lately I have been feeling he just doesn’t let me do anything good.

He says  derogatory things about my work, about initiatives I take even people I hangout with. He doesn’t let me be happy anywhere. He makes me fear things which don’t even exist, which are not even my concern, things which don’t even affect me.

He doesn’t let me live the way I want, I have to worry about how my actions will be perceived, what my community and society think if I do something. I am not the guy who needs to worry about things like these I am a creator I need to worry about how new stuff can be made? But what he has me lowered down to is “Now I think of what people will say about what I do”.

It was all fine initially I used to like his suggestion it made me look good to people I interact with, improved the way I behave but then one day  realize it is someone else’ life I am living. Things I am doing in first place are the things I never wanted to do and I still don’t. They are not even my priorities.

If you did not understand I am talking about “The Inhibited Me”. He has started scaring me these days. Now I overthink everything, I am not a 100% confident anytime because I need to worry about other what others think.

But I have started to realize that I have to shed my inhibitions, I can’t live with them. What others think is none of my business and not my job to give it a damn to their perception about me? When I told him about my thoughts he told me people will think I am an asshole but that is the cost of freedom. Freedom to live, to be happy, to flourish and grow. And he is the one who made me realize it, it is not easy to get rid of him.

No matter how hard I try he successfully convinces me to overthink about everything around me. But he leaves it up to me to make the final call and it is tough to learn to say NO to him. Though it is worth everytime.

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